


Fine.

by mayamay



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander blames himself for everything, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But in that zone, M/M, Not quite an anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 03:36:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5769760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayamay/pseuds/mayamay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alexander was always 'fine', which merely meant that he wasn't going to admit that maybe he needed help. And when something goes wrong, this is doubly true.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fine.

"I'm fine."

  
"You're not fine," John replied for the fifth time that evening, reaching across the couch to rub soothing circles on his boyfriend's shoulder with his thumbs. "I know you're not. You need to breathe."

  
Alexander stared straight ahead, willing away everything in the world but the boy trying to massage away his worries. He closed his eyes after a moment and tried to clear his mind, meditating briefly on the idea that maybe if he just kept his eyes shut he wouldn't need to go deal with real life again. It wasn't a very realistic idea, but with the gentle circles on his shoulders, it seemed closer to reality than it might have otherwise.

  
John quirked the corner of his mouth when he saw that Alex's eyes had shut and his face was still. Hoping that this meant Alexander has begun to calm down, he slid off of the couch to sit next to Alex on the floor. The anxious boy's eyes flew open the moment John's hands left his shoulders.

  
"It's not your fault," John murmured quietly as he shifted behind Alex to hug him properly.

  
"I was arguing with James when he got hit, how is it not my fault?" Alex bit back, the calm that his deep breaths had given him going up in smoke.

  
John shook his head. "Group projects are a terror, Alex, but there's no way James would blame you for what happened."

  
A fight. Screaming, shouting, cursing, all over the group assignment from English that Alex and Madison both happened to be a part of. The fight carried itself onto the street, not in a physically violent way but rather that the two students found themselves arguing as they crossed a busy road. Alexander had easily made it to the other side, shouting things back over his shoulder about proper division of workloads. James hadn't been so lucky.

  
"I'll bet you he does..." Alexander moaned, tucking his head into his knees.

  
The doctors said that James would be fine, with only a hairline fracture and a slight concussion to show for his collision with the speeding car. Yet, they still wouldn't let Alex visit to apologize, beg for forgiveness, or whatever else it was he had planned. John watched Alex bury his face in his knees and sighed.

  
"He won't. And if he does, it's not your fault. And if Thomas is pissed at you because of this—"

  
"It's because Jefferson is a major pain?" Alexander interrupted, and John almost wanted to laugh. At least Alex didn't sound upset and frightened in that moment. But John hummed and continued anyway.

  
"It's only because he's worried about James. Just like I'm worried about you."

  
Alex sighed. "I wasn't in an accident."

  
"But you have been staring into space for over an hour, more than half of that time hyperventilating or muttering about God knows what," John corrected him gently, pressing a light kiss against Alex's neck. "So please, just take a few breaths. Everything will be fine."

  
"I'm fine," Alex shot back immediately, in a way that John knew was basically instinctual. Alexander was always 'fine', which merely meant that he wasn't going to admit that maybe he wasn't okay.

  
John frowned. "No, you're not."  
Alexander sighed and smiled sadly turning around to give John a quick kiss. "Maybe you're right. But I will be." 


End file.
